Thomas

I have been missing my grandson a lot lately, more than the usual everyday heartache. He is such a bright, beautiful boy who brings love and sunshine wherever he goes. He is growing up so fast and will soon be welcoming a new little brother to his family. This will make him even more grown up when the baby comes. I have missed so much of his babyhood, so it is hard to imagine that he will be three this year. My mind seems to freeze his growth each time we see him, and I expect him to pick up where we left off from the last time, but I'm always surprised to hear the new words he rattles off like a pro and the new way he interacts with his parents. My son-in-law always asks me if Thomas has changed dramatically since the last time we were together, and the answer is always a bittersweet "Yes." I guess I always dreamed of being able to help my grandchildren discover the world around them on a regular basis and get lost in the wonder in their eyes and heart. I don't get to do that much because whenever we see each other there is a catching up period while he remembers who I am. By that time it is time for one of us to go home. The phone is great to keep in touch with his parents but Thomas just isn't into phone conversations. Who knows if he ever will be! He is a boy after all.

Again, it is difficult for me to accept things the way they are and not try to force them into what I want, but at times I just need to feel sorry for myself and then move on. I guess I will just have to be content to see him as much as I do and enjoy him when I can. I must concentrate on what I can build instead of what can't be built. Maybe the fact that we are gaining another little grandson in a few months has reopened the issue. A grandma must be about love whenever and wherever possible. I wish I had a more profound ending to this entry, but I just haven't figured it all out yet. I guess it will take time and experience.

Cat in the Hat

I think sometimes that the trials we face are fashioned exclusively for us, and that is why they are so big and so deep and so tall (Cat in the Hat). Lately I have felt like the Cat in the Hat, trying to hold up the two books, the fish, the little toy ship, and the milk on the dish. Inevitably the things fall and the mess must be dealt with. I think those trials are to help us turn to the Lord and ask for specific blessings. Last night I was doing just that, but I didn't know the specific thing to ask for, so I just asked for peace. It came.

Today I need to ask again. It is a great thing that Heavenly Father doesn't put a limit on how many times we can make those requests. Maybe the concept I am not willing to comprehend is that I might not be able to juggle all those things I want to and hop on the ball. I read something today that opened up holes in my heart that I thought had long been plugged up. It is very difficult for me to accept things the way they are without dropping all the things I'm juggling. I guess I will just have to go out and get one of those machines the Cat has. I wonder if I could find it on e-Bay!