A Letter to My Blogging Novice Self on the Occasion of 100,000 Page Views

It has been almost a year since my last blog post. There are very good reasons for that, that I don't wish to share here, but I thought today deserved a closing chapter. I noticed that, as of this hour, there have been 100,438 views of my blog since I started it on August 6, 2007. I am surprised and pleased about that amount but also realistic. My writing has improved over the course of my posts, but I'm pretty sure that isn't the reason there are over 100,000 views. My experience in Qatar has a lot to do with most of the hits on some of my entries. It was an interesting adventure living in the Middle East and writing about my interactions with a first ever (and probably last) expat assignment. I've often been good at noticing the subtle ironies of a situation, so Doha was this observer's dream. I found a lot of writing material, and as I look at the stats of my posts, those are definitely the ones capturing the most attention.

But I certainly didn't start my blog so I could write about the up-and-coming star of the Middle East, Qatar. If someone would have told me that day that in a year's time I would be recording my thoughts on smelly camels, crazy drivers, and the plight of the immigrant work force in the tiny country of Qatar, I would have said they were speaking of impossibilities, but that is exactly what happened.

Before that though, I wanted to awaken my long ago writing skills of my college days. My blog began with a desire to write again and have some small audience to speak to. I wanted to express my voice in a way I seldom have the opportunity to do in a verbal setting. Thank you to those of you who have been reading from the beginning. You are kind and have such brilliant taste about what you spend your time with! ;)

So to commemorate this writing adventure and those readers who have carved out time to validate my offerings, I would like to sum up some of the learning that has taken place in my heart, as well as my head as I have blogged. If I could go back and speak to myself on that blog kick-off day, I would have a lot of advice, a lot of warnings, and a lot of compassion for the internet novice I was.

That was then . . . . 

Dear Dianna,

Your excitement in starting this writing adventure is well-placed and worthwhile. Make sure you enjoy every minute of putting your thoughts out there on the internet, and make sure you have something worth reading about. Here are some points to ponder, wisdom of a seasoned blogger, that you might want to consider each time you sit down to post.

1. Publishing your writing comes with risks.

2. Writing creates decisions, opinions, and passions in a writer AND in a reader. They are necessary and important on both sides, but not always embraced, understood, or praised by the readers who are removed and hidden by the invisible internet curtain. Blog writing is a performance of one that captures a few moments of clarity and insight but prolongs or even denies the inevitable audience reaction in a painfully tormenting way at times. And the reactions are not always universal applause.

3. Just like a wailing baby's cry in a movie theater can disrupt a contented, thoroughly entertained audience, a strident writing piece (or any piece for that matter) can disturb tranquil reader/writer relationships and cause discord that often can't be harmonized ever again. Retractions are part of a writer's job and can smooth some flustered feathers so forgiveness can be forthcoming. So you might want to consider keeping some of those powerful posts to yourself - posts that speak truth and ahh-ha moments to your own soul but are misunderstood and used as relationship walls for others. That is why on this blog wrap-up day you will have many writing revelations in cold storage.

4. Even though one of the purposes of your blog is to allow others to know you better, they might not be ready for that all at once. Just like you often say awkward things in social situations, some of your blog pieces will make readers uncomfortable. That's okay though. Make sure you include humorous, life-flavored pieces more often than the internal dialogue ones. Let your readers see your lighter side. They might not understand that either, but at least you will be developing your different writing voices.

5. The risks are worth it, so get writing, and always remember your audience.

I've now come to a phase in my life where I need less of an audience and more of an internal coach who can be kind and gentle to my aging self. Opening up on the internet brought me a lot of joy, but now it is time to find other joys that are not so public, joys that are more bittersweet and more precious than my writing skills can describe.

. . . this is now.

This Year's Mother's Day Gift

I had a surprising Mother's Day gift from Brett and Abbey this year.  They gave me a trip to Utah so I could go to BYU Women's Conference with my friend Lori, spend some time with Ben and Mary and my mom and dad, and then spend four days in Denver with Kristy and her family.  I think Brett and Abbey agreed that Mom was pretty much a lump and needed a big pick-me-up, so they knew a pilgrimage to BYU to get my spiritual and emotional cups filled up would do the trick.  They were right.  Seeing my grown-up kids and my two grandsons was a lovely bonus and did wonders for my happiness meter.

Ben and Mary picked me up at the airport - thanks AGAIN guys - and then took me to see their cute condo they moved into a few months ago.  It was so great to see their cozy home and feel their love filling up every corner and crevice as they prepare for this new little sweetheart who will be coming to rock their world this summer.  The baby's room is darling with the bed all set up, ready for my first granddaughter!  Oh, July will not come soon enough.  (At the end of my trip, while I was in Colorado, Kristy and I caught the buying bug and began the glorious experience of pink purchasing.  The outfits weren't ALL pink, but you get the idea.)  Mary looks so beautiful with her baby tummy and she and Ben are preparing for parenthood in such a thoughtful, purposeful way.  I'm so proud of them!  I forgot to take pictures of the baby's room or Ben and Mary, so you will just have to take my word for it - they are wonderful!

My friend Lori and I have gone to Women's Conference together a few times and have loved the time together learning and serving, so we were both very disappointed when we couldn't go last year because I was in the Middle East.  Well, Lori was pretty surprised when I called to ask her if she could make arrangements to go this year.

The conference was wonderful, as always, but this year both Lori and I took things a little more slowly and thoughtfully.  We kind of plodded our way through, so to speak.  Other years we have raced to get into lines for the more popular classes and worn ourselves out with strategizing and squeezing every last drop of opportunity out of the two days.  This time we promised ourselves we were just going to enjoy our time together and let the experience happen a little more naturally.  I think our ages and our health have forced us to come up with this new plan, but I really think it worked.

Lori is really quite talented!

My favorite classes had to do with having a merry heart, dealing with depression, and cultivating trust in marriage.  Both Lori and I felt the need to laugh as much as possible, so we gravitated toward the more hopeful class titles and let all the 20 and 30 year olds attend the supermom guilt-ridden lectures. 

We woke up to snow at BYU

This is the all important Women's Conference Bag.

One of my favorite general sessions was by Renata Forste and was entitled "Coming Together and Sustaining Each Other in Righteous Choices." She talked about how women sometimes sabotage each other instead of supporting and lifting one another.  Much of her talk was taken from a Dave Barry article entitled, "The Ugly Truth About Beauty."  If you google the title you will find a copy of the article and it is worth reading, framing, sending to friends on their birthdays, and passing on to your daughters.  Sister Forste said that as women we don't have to be victims of our socialization.  We need to step back and evaluate expectations of ourselves and see if they fit with our eternal goals.  We should also be mindful of the unnecessary expectations we put on other women to follow our same path.  She pointed out that personal revelation does not mean others must follow that same path.  We need to sustain each other as we make righteous choices.  This doesn't mean we can laud our testimonies and faith over other women and use them as a wedge.  She said that if we do we might meet some of these women we judged in heaven, and they will recognize us and say,  "Oh yes, you were a believer but you skipped the part about not being a jerk about it." It is funny but sadly true.

The class on dealing with depression was the most helpful and meaningful one for me.  It was kind of a miracle that we went because I hadn't noticed it listed in the schedule, but Lori did at the last minute, so we went.  The two psychologists who spoke were very positive, and I came away from the class with a lot of hope and some great resources I am already using.  As we were leaving the auditorium where the class was held there was a young woman sitting on the very top row crying.  She was all curled up and truly in pain.  I can only imagine what she has been through and what the class brought up for her.  I couldn't just let her sit there and cry alone, so I asked Lori to wait.  I climbed the stairs and asked her if I could give her a hug.  Her cries turned to gasps and she allowed me to hug her.  She didn't talk.  She just kept crying, but she wasn't alone.  I asked her if I could help, but she just shook her head.  I still think about her and pray for her.  I hope that the presenters were able to talk to her after I left.

"Grandma, do you know what a fork is?"

My four days in Denver at the tail end of my trip was so wonderful.  My grandsons were exactly the medicine I needed.  Before we even got home from the airport, four year old Thomas was telling me that he was going to teach me how to play chess as soon as we walked in the door.  And yes, that is exactly what he did.  I learned all the moves.  I learned what a fork is (a move where you use one of your pieces to attack two or more of your opponent's pieces), and luckily I got a phone call and had to turn the game over to Jared, or Thomas would have beaten me soundly.  As it was, Thomas did beat his dad and proceeded to celebrate by writing an email to Grandpa Brett about how he had put his dad in checkmate "at last." Yes, he had to wait until the ripe old age of four to beat his dad in chess!  (Jared told me he went easy on Thomas this time.)

Kimball cuddled with me every morning and all during each day.  That boy is a lover AND a fighter (he tends to get into mischief quite a bit).  Kristy and I talked about books, music, mothering, and her goals and plans for their future.  Jared and I took the boys to their new public library while Kristy taught piano lessons.  Thomas and Kimball really know their way around the book stacks and even know all the librarians by their first names.  One librarian talked my ear off about my brilliant grandsons.  I didn't mind a bit!

Kristy entertained me while shopping.

Kimball is a caution!

Kimball fed a goat at the farm.  He has no fear whatsoever!

 Kristy's cooking was amazing and so delicious.  She made enchiladas, corn salsa, strawberry/rhubarb crunch, lamb gyros (with homemade flat bread), caramel cake, and many other tasty delights.  I felt so spoiled.  We went to the zoo, the movie, the Littleton Farm, and the temple.  We packed as much into those four days as my body could handle.  I flew back to Doha with smiles and memories to last at least until we get back home this summer!

Women's Conference

Well, I'm off to Women's Conference at BYU tonight. It will be a welcome three day get-away with my friend Lori. I hate to say it, but I need to go away so my family will welcome me back. I have been grouchy and in need of a respite, and they have kind of taken me for granted - just enough to want to say, "Hey, I just picked that up and now it is on the floor again. Were you born in a barn?!" I am excited to sit in a few classes and not be interrupted by anything. I am thrilled to learn something instead of teaching something, or trying to teach something, to eighth graders.