Our Qatar Exit

This last March Brett received a terrible birthday present.  He was visiting Finland with a group of students on a work assignment.  On his birthday the students all wanted to experience the snow up close and personal so they went sledding.  Well Brett wanted to celebrate a little and decided to join them.  He promptly crashed, hit his head, and woke up the beast he had been fighting for years:  long-standing back and neck pain from long ago injuries.  When he got home, life got very difficult in Qatar.  The medical system there is chaotic, confusing, and behind the times, especially when it comes to managing pain.  It took him a month just to get in for an MRI (thank goodness there was no serious head injury) and another month to see the specialist and have him tell him that physical therapy is all they could offer him.  Because he had aggravated an already existing condition that he had had for years, the pain in Brett's neck and back was so constant and so debilitating he couldn't even think of attempting physical therapy.

That's when we realized he might have to live with the pain for months before getting home to the states and then we were in for a complicated summer.  We would have to get him home, in to see a specialist, and repeat this whole process.  We tried to set up appointments from Qatar via Skype but getting the MRI results from the Qatar doctor and then sending them to the specialist in Utah took weeks.  My health had really gone down hill since moving to Doha so I knew I needed some TLC from my team of health care professionals too.  The more we talked and thought about what would be required to happen this summer the more we realized that our summer might have to be extended.  We probably wouldn't make it back in time for VCUQ's fall term or for Abbey's start of school at ASD.

Expat life is tricky.  There are so many things to consider when health issues come up.  We knew that home in Utah would be the best place for us to get the medical care that we both needed, but Brett's job is in Qatar.  Abbey was just finishing up 5th grade at ASD and was excited about the prospects of middle school and 6th grade.  As Brett's pain increased and his ability to even work part of the day lessened we had to make some decisions.

In the middle of all this VCUQ informed Brett that VCU in Virginia didn't want to take on the liability of signing villa leases in Qatar anymore and so we would have to take a personal financial risk by signing the villa lease ourselves - not what we wanted to do.  Brett asked when the lease would be up and when the human resources department checked, it was up that day, the day Brett was sitting in the office hearing this for the first time.  There have been other surprising issues come up at VCUQ over the years that have not been conducive to a peaceful life in a very unnerving country so this wasn't as big of a surprise at it could have been, but it seemed to be the tipping point.  In addition, even though Brett was enjoying working with students and faculty and researching in the Interior Design Department, he was getting anxious to get back to architecture and design. (VCU eventually relented and signed a year's lease for everyone when the dean made a trip to Virginia for her annual pow wow, but by then we had made our decision to just find another villa when and if we came back to Qatar.)

So with all of these issues stacking up, and others I cannot mention here, there seemed to be many arrows pointing us toward the Qatar exit signs.  So we got on our knees and turned to the Lord.  The final answer has come slowly over the summer, but we felt then that we should get ready for whatever was to come. So we began to make tentative/unofficial plans to move home.  Breaking the news of the possible move home to Abbey was easier than we had thought.  She was sad for awhile about the possibility of leaving friends and especially the leaving ASD and be in middle school, but surprisingly, she was the most energetic as we made preparations for all contingencies.  Only the summer would tell us if we were leaving Qatar for good or if we would be back for a fifth year.

We began selling things:  cars, bikes, electronics and household goods we had purchased, clothing, and the enormous amount of odds and ends we had accumulated over four years.  We told close friends and neighbors that we were moving because our lease was up, because that is all we knew for sure.  We had to wait until Brett saw the neurosurgeon in Utah to know what was in store for us in the fall.  We left the door open for us to come back, because truthfully, we didn't know if he would be recovering from back surgery, if he could be helped with simply the right medication, or if he could even find another job if medical issues forced us to stay home.  When it came right down to it though, we purchased one way tickets home to Utah because if we had an extended summer, Abbey would have to start school in Utah anyway and then we would be in Utah at least until Christmas.

Three days before flying home, Brett received an email from a former co-worker.  Chad wanted to let Brett know that the boss at his former architecture firm had mentioned that he wanted to hire a head designer and lead architect and he had mentioned Brett's name.  There was a series of emails back and forth and then when we arrived in Utah, the emails turned to phone calls, which turned to an interview, salary negotiations, and then a job offer.  Brett accepted the offer because he wasn't sure how we were going to pay for all the medical bills, especially if surgery was down the road.  We felt like the Lord's hand was in all of this so we couldn't wait around for the medical decisions to be finalized.  We had to move forward on faith.

Because it was such a long and involved process for him to even get in to see the neurosurgeon who had been recommended by several friends, Brett finally saw him a few days before starting his new job.  The neurosurgeon wanted to take a conservative approach to Brett's injury and recommended physical therapy, traction, and a series of cortisone injections.  It was clearly going to be a chronic condition that could not be solved in a matter of months. Because our family doctor and the neurosurgeon were managing Brett's pain with the correct medications, this seemed possible and hopeful but not quick enough to make working in Qatar a reality.  Brett gradually was able to work a full day and came home smiling and happy from feeling so at home at the office and having the ability to create again.  The decision seemed to be making itself.  Qatar couldn't offer him or me the kind of medical care we need, a new job had fallen into Brett's lap, and we have been feeling blessed beyond measure, in spite of the difficulties.

So saying good bye to Doha means that we say good bye to some great friends we have made during our adventure.  It means a tighter income and a lot less travel.  It means less family time with Brett now that he is working regular office hours and all through the summer.  Being a professor at VCUQ has had its perks but Brett and our family earned every perk, believe me.  With all the amenities comes a lot of expat chaos that can tear a family apart or bind them together like never before.  I think the latter has happened to us, thankfully.  We have put up with the heat, humidity, and the driving insanity.  We have had to hold our tongues and smile instead of complain and scream for some common sense to be used in every day life.  We have been able to laugh at the amusing clash of cultures and have sorrow for those inequalities that still exist in this so-called modern world.

The workers of Qatar will be my favorite take home memory from our time in the Middle East.  To see the hard working faces of the Filipino, Indian, Nepali, and Sri Lankan workers in the unbearable 118 degree heat with 80% humidity, and know that they feel lucky to have a job so they can send a small amount of money home to family is humbling.  To watch the masses of working men walking around near the old souq on a Friday afternoon, trying to enjoy their one day off, is overwhelming, especially thinking about all the wives and children some have had to leave in their home countries and might not see for years.  Whenever I saw the brilliant smile of our guards as they waved us into our compound it gave me courage to face my trials with a brave face. To look into the sweet face of the woman who cleaned for us each week and see the beginnings of trust develop between us made my heart hope, hope for a more civilized universe where everyone is treated with love and dignity.  And to see a friend's Nepali nanny take a giant step forward in her life by being baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, see her learn to drive a car, see her meet a Mormon man online and get engaged, then to see her marry him in Nepal with all the brilliant oranges and reds of a Hindu wedding was unforgettable and life-changing.  These are just some of the miracles of our Qatar adventure.

Another Interesting Irony of the Middle East

Every time we come back to the U.S. for the summer I feel very pampered to be able to purchase my favorite deodorant - Secret, the strong enough for a man but made for a woman product.  Brett's deodorant of choice is also a U.S. indulgence - Sure.

So why is it that one of the hottest places on earth doesn't have the two best deodorants in the world?  And believe me, the hard working, terribly sweaty people in the Middle East could really use these two American wonder products.  The overwhelming scents that confronted my newly immigrated nose in Qatar were . . . well . . . offensive to be perfectly honest.  The Proctor and Gamble folks really have not tapped into the most stinkified market known to mankind.  If I was an enterprising entrepreneur I would definitely get some meetings going with the Innovative Brands people and the P&G execs to convince them of the sadly neglected personal hygiene of the people of the Middle East and the desperate need for them to infiltrate Qatar's store shelves with what could potentially be the most welcome invasion ever.

Loving the Unexpected in Qatar

I really enjoy being surprised by the unexpected, considerate gesture or the unpredictable act of kindness that sometimes pops into my day.  When an angry looking Arabic gentleman lets me go ahead in traffic or a smile peers out of an abaya at me it is like opening a present I didn't know I had.

Sri Lanka and the Philippines are known for their charming and hospitable people.  The southern states in the U.S. are legendary for the courtly manners and kind civility of their residents.  But when I think of friendly areas of the world, I have never thought of the Middle East.  Unfortunately, living here has not changed that opinion dramatically, but when there is a ray of unexpected sunshine from a typically somber, closed culture, it is delightful.

I have made it a game with myself now to see if I can get some of these grey bearded, grizzled old Arabs to smile at me as I offer to let them go ahead in the grocery store line or I stop my car for them to walk across the heated pavement in front of my car.  They often don't know what to do and act very confused at the small generous act, but sometimes they are so disarmed they forget that they are weighed down by thousands of years in an unforgiving land and culture and actually smile.

The other day I was shopping and was surprised to find a heart-shaped potato in the vegetable section.  Hearts are my favorite symbol, so of course I noticed it.  As I popped it into the plastic bag with the other brown lumps I smiled and felt like I had found a treasure among the dusty common potatoes.  Yes, this is what it feels like in Qatar when I can see sparkling eyes smiling back at me through the black veil of a covered woman.  The Arabic people are covered with a thick coating of restraint, and they guard themselves behind their walls of exclusion, but their softer, genteel sides sometimes surface and I am reminded that Qatar really has a heart.

One Great Thing

Tuesday, May 15 prompt for Diabetes Blog Week:

Living with diabetes (or caring for someone who lives with it) sure does take a lot of work, and it’s easy to be hard on ourselves if we aren’t “perfect”.  But today it’s time to give ourselves some much deserved credit.  Tell us about just one diabetes thing you (or your loved one) does spectacularly!  Fasting blood sugar checks, oral meds sorted and ready, something always on hand to treat a low, or anything that you do for diabetes.  Nothing is too big or too small to celebrate doing well! 


Well, it is difficult for me to say I do anything well when it comes to diabetes.  It seems that I am always falling short, and as the years go by and numbers aren't as easily managed, it is discouraging to try and find one thing I am succeeding at with this monster disease.  So I am taking a cue from Abby over at Six Until Me and tapping into my unlimited sarcasm skills.


I am great at collecting a year's worth of insulin, pump supplies, back-up insulin pens, back-up syringes, a back-up pump (yes, I have two), meter supplies, back-up meters, CGM supplies, other various medications for diabetes-related ailments, ice packs, and a giant cooler and fitting all of this into two suitcases and a carry-on with all of my clothes, books, toiletries, and shoes, lots of shoes, for our annual trek to the Middle East where we live for nine months out of the year.  Now it would be too easy if they actually had the same kind of insulin and pump supplies in Qatar and I could just go to my local chemist at the souq and get my few needed bottles of Humalog.  I love the challenge of moving heaven and earth onto an airplane and praying my way through at least six different airport security checks on our 28 hour flight (three connections).  I also love it when we travel overseas to some of the less modern countries where they think I am carrying bomb materials around my waist, take me away from my family, and then insist on seeing my site to prove I am telling the truth about my insulin pump.  I do all of this rather well, and do it with grace and patience (Ha!), so I need a high five from all of my readers out there.

And this is only what is left after 8 plus months of being here.

Oh, and I'm really good at keeping my cool when $100s of dollars get wasted when my supply of insulin expires.  Darn those pharmacists who didn't give me bottles with longer expiration dates.  Grrrrrrrrr!

Diabetes Blog Week 2012

I am about to put on my diabetes writing hat . . . . ready?. . . . . okay.  This is my kick-off post for Diabetes Blog Week 2012 so get ready for some SWEET writing.  Today's prompt:

Monday, May 14, 2012:  It seems the most popular thing about Diabetes Blog Week is that it helps us find blogs we weren’t reading yet and connect with some new blog friends.  With that in mind, let’s kick off Diabetes Blog Week by making some new connections.  Think about the d-blogs you read that you think we may not know about and introduce us to one that you love!!  Let’s all find a new friend today!


I only read two diabetes Blogs regularly because that is really all I have time and emotional energy for.  I really get invested in the blogs I read and feel connected to the writers even though they don't know me from Adam.  


The first Diabetes Blog I ever came across was Kerri Sparling's and she opened my eyes and my heart to so many ways of discussing this disease that I share with her and millions of others.  Her humorous writing style always touches me and I seem to be able to laugh a little more easily at myself and others when it comes to dealing with diabetes.  Kerri is a new mom and a tireless advocate for PWD (People With Diabetes) everywhere.  As I already stated, I get emotionally invested in the lives of these bloggers, so when Kerri announced a few months ago that she was going to be attending a diabetes conference in Dubai, I seriously thought it was my duty to go too and meet up with her since I live in Qatar (a one hour plane ride away from Dubai).  I wanted to be her own personal Middle Eastern Welcome Wagon and meet her at the airport, even though I had never even been to Dubai at that time.  I quickly woke up out of my silly hero worship fantasy and supported her with comments and suggestions on her blog instead.  So check out Kerri's blog.  It means a lot to me and really hits the spot when I am Diabetically Desperate.


Another blog that I regularly read is written by Kim Vlasnik.  Her honesty and energy about dealing with a chronic disease are refreshing and uplifting.  She even creates cartoons about this monster disease and shares them with anyone who wants to use them in any form.  Both Kim and Kerri write a lot about diabetes technology and innovations and that interests me.  They also seem to be very "hooked-up" with the diabetes companies that make these lovely devices that we wear, so they seem to be great voices for the powers-that-be to be listening to.  I really appreciate both of these online friends and suggest you check them out.

Doha Driving

I'm not sure but I might have noticed a sure sign of cultural assimilation today in Brett, and by "cultural assimilation" I mean not in a good way in this case.  We were driving to VCUQatar in Education City today to drop Brett off at work.  There is a section of road there, parallel to the LAS Building, that has a large median in the middle and two lanes for each direction on each side of the median.  As we were headed toward VCUQ I noticed a Land Cruiser coming toward us in the inside lane of the one way road.  I said, "Oh no!"  Even though Brett was paying attention and looking right at the other car, his only reply was, "What's the matter?"  When I pointed out that there was a car passing us on the left going the wrong direction, he just said, "Oh, yeah, they do that all the time."  There was no surprise, no shock in his voice at all.  I was kind of panicked for the other drivers behind us and wondered what this guy was going to do when he got to the roundabout we had just come through.

The LAS Building - the median is this wide section in the foreground with the sand and the grasses

Now this cultural assimilation of Brett's is not complete, yet, because he hasn't driven the wrong way on a one way road, but I thought it was pretty telling that he wasn't phased at all by the Qatari driving next to us going the wrong way.  Maybe this is a sign that we have been in this country too long.  Maybe it is a positive coping mechanism on Brett's part that I just haven't acquired yet.  He was feeling very calm while I was definitely worried about the situation.  It quickly became laughable and I was able to shrug my shoulders in resignation. I guess I have come a long way, but I might worry if I join Brett's complacency club and not even notice the traffic travesties in Qatar.

Even as I was laughing to myself about the unpredictable craziness of driving here though we passed a car with two little, pudgy baby hands on the steering wheel.  I did a triple take and saw the sweetest little curly headed, dark eyed baby standing in her daddy's lap, looking like she was in complete control of the car.  Now maybe the dad's hands were on the bottom part of the steering wheel where I couldn't see, but oh, my head wanted to explode with righteous rage.  Not only was this little sweetheart NOT in a car seat, she was on the driver's lap pretending to drive.

Right after we moved to Qatar I was with my friend Cydney while she was driving.  We were at a standstill in traffic and noticed that the children in the car next to us were flailing all over the two back seats and hanging out the windows while the adults were oblivious in the front seat.  Cydney, in her perfectly tactful way, caught the eyes of one of the children hanging out the window (they were all staring at the two blonde ladies next to them so it was easy to do) and lifted her shoulder strap of the seat belt and hand up in question.  The child quickly pushed her whole hand facing toward us across her body in dismissal and then we saw a maid pull her inside the car.  Arabic, Indian, African, and Filipino children are not restrained in the car in the Middle East for the most part.  I guess it is not my place to judge the habits of other cultures, but why is there so much disregard for traffic laws and safety in the Middle East?  I hope I don't have to stay here until I figure out the answer to this question.  Until then I will keep chuckling at the flagrant law breakers, keep my eyes on the road, plan ahead for being cut-off, and wave at, but pray for, the staring children as they bounce down the street in unrestrained revelry.

Seussical the Musical

The American School of Doha is an amazing place for children to experience the arts.  Abbey just finished participating in the 5th Grade musical.  They did Seussical this year and it was fantastic.  Geoff Heney, one of the assistant principals at the elementary, directed the play, and I have to say he is brilliant at EVERYTHING, especially helping children feel great about themselves.  He really outdid himself with this production and inspiring these kids to tap into their best work.  The music was impressive as well as the costumes and sets.  I don't know who was in charge of the costumes, but whoever it was got the "Who People" perfectly.  The mayor's wife had to be my favorite. The student who played the part of the Sour Kangaroo had a remarkable voice and belted our her parts like a professional.  I kept having to remind myself that these were 5th graders.

Mr. Heney

Because my sweet Abigail is not fond of being up in front of audiences, she decided not to try out for any of the cast parts.  She really enjoyed being in the chorus and supporting the play with her voice, and even with her dread of the spotlight, she wasn't that disappointed when she got to be on the front row during the production and hold a candle during the "Solla Sollew" number (I think she is a closet performer like her mom).

 Morgan and Abbey

Brynn and Abbey

Another school year is almost at an end and it seems to have flown by.  As I watched my tall, beautiful daughter perform I had to marvel at how much she has grown since we came to Qatar in 2008.  She was in 2nd grade then and so shy her teacher Miss Verhoye was worried about her.  But she blossomed with the help of so many professionals at ASD, especially Miss V, and even Mr. Heney.  Along with growing in height Abbey has grown in her cultural awareness here.  Each summer when we go back to Utah she always comments about how much "sameness" there is there.  She has commented once or twice about how before coming to Qatar our religion was the only faith she was aware of.  Now she knows something about Muslims, Hindus, Catholics, Christians, and more.  She even knows a little Arabic.  Our Abigail has always been tuned in to people and their feelings and now she is tuned in to the world in a way she never would have been if we hadn't come to the Middle East.  ASD has been a big part of that journey of awareness.  Oh, the Thinks you can Think!

Al Wakra: Qatar's Dog Beach

The last "cooler" spring days are already gone here in Qatar and we are reaching temperatures in the 100s already.  Luckily, we spent the last few Saturdays at the beach, and now I realize that those beach visits are over for the season.  The beach in the Doha summer is just miserable.  I guess there are people who get up before dawn and get down there before the sun rays melt the sand into lava, but even then, stepping into the Gulf is dunking your body into a salty sauna with the added bonus of seaweed.

 There's a dog in there somewhere - see the periscope tail?

Al Wakra Beach is known as the dog beach here in Qatar.  I guess all those people who do not like dogs invading their sandy picnics know that Al Wakra is not the place for them.  As a result, the beach is filled with dog lovers.  Our little Dixie gets lots of attention wherever she goes and especially at the beach.  People watch her swim and are in disbelief that she is brave enough to jump in and follow us out to a sand bar.  Her long white hair looks like angel wings as she paddles through the water and she is so proud of herself when she gets to dry land again.

 Dixie was trying to rub off the salt with the sand.

 It didn't work so well!

The attention Dixie gets is sometimes unnerving.  I have had Qatari men drive their SUVs filled with children (sometimes hanging on the outside too) over to my chair just to look at our little white fluff ball.  It only gets uncomfortable when I try to say hello and they just stare at us like zoo visitors.  It is also uncomfortable when the children get out and I take the dog over to them.  They run away screaming.  For some reason, Arabic children seem fascinated, and at the same time, terrified of dogs.  I offer to help them pet Dixie or let her lick their little hands, but all they do is smile and then run away screaming.  Sometimes they will try and poke a stick at her or they get a few yards away and bark at her.  They are scared but also thrilled to be so close to a dog - A DOG!  I have heard that dogs are unclean in the eyes of some Muslims and they won't touch canines, so maybe that is the reason for the scared apprehension, but this is just so strange.

A few weeks ago we saw yet another car get stuck in the sandy water as the tide came in.  Well, in this case, the man driving the little truck had just loaded up his children (yes, they were some of the screaming ones I described above) and he drove through the water to wash off his tires, or something dumb like that.  Well of course he got stuck.  We watched him struggle for awhile, but then Brett walked over to offer moral support.  Because of his neck and back problems, Brett couldn't offer any physical help, so he decided to do the next best thing and go get the help that was needed.  He recruited two different sets of men.  Some Pakistani gentlemen were just driving by when all this was happening, so they got out to assist.  It looked pretty comical to see these men, in their traditional "pajamas", at the bumper of this truck pushing with all their might.  Then Brett went over to a group of some very jovial men from Sri Lanka and asked for their help.

The result was impressive!  They all picked up the back of the truck and lifted it out of the wet sand like it was a row boat.  The car owner quickly drove out of his predicament while all the men were giving high fives to Brett.  Now that is something I won't forget.  Even better was when the men from Sri Lanka were walking back to their spot on the beach, they walked right in front of me and Abbey.  Their wide smiles showed off how proud they were to have helped an Arabic man get out of a tight spot.  I couldn't understand their words, but their joy was obvious, especially when one of the shirtless men did a series of cartwheels for us and jumped up with a gymnast-like finish.  Our applause is exactly what they were craving and cheered for each other when we gave it.

Whenever the summer demon heat returns to Doha I ask myself why we didn't spend more time at the beach in the winter and spring.  We just can't get enough of the cool breezes and the salty air and remember one of the great things about living here.

A Few Diabetes Related Questions

• Why does my blood sugar go low right AFTER I trek upstairs and brush my teeth?
• Why do my CGM (Continuous Glucose Monitor) sites get MORE accurate the longer they are in?  (I get the most accurate readings at about ten or eleven days - four days longer than recommended)
• Why do my pump sites deliver the insulin better AFTER the recommended three days?
• Why does the richest country in the world, Qatar, not offer its residents, and especially its citizens with diabetes, the best health care and technology in the world?  You know, so I don't have to put nine month's worth of pump supplies, insulin, and CGM sites in my TWO pieces of very small luggage when going around the world!
• Why do the doctors and nurses here look at me like I'm an alien when I show them my pump and CGM?  Don't they know the Middle East has an overwhelming number of PWD (people with diabetes) and they should be fluent in diabetes technology?
• What can I say to the children at church when I am eating fruit snacks for a low and not offering them some?  
• The conspiracy theorist in me wants to ask who the big pharmaceutical company is that is paying off scientists so they WON'T dream up the once and for all cure for the big D.
• Who told my pancreas it could poop out on me in the first place?!
• Why hasn't someone designed my dream medical alert I.D. yet - one that won't get lost between connection flights when flying 28 hours straight to Qatar?
• Why is it that every little ailment my body comes up with gets thrown into the corner and covered up with the blanket of being "diabetes-related"?  Isn't it possible for me to have an ache or pain that ISN'T associated with this chronic disease?!

Thanks to Kim for the inspiration!