Alles Gute im Deutschland!

We got back from Germany late last night. It was a trip of a lifetime. There aren't enough words to express all the experiences, emotion, and enjoyment of this adventure. As I walked down the streets of Berlin and looked at the faces of certain people, whether is was imagined or real, I felt some strange DNA recognition. I felt like I was among MY people. That might be a little far fetched, but I could feel a connection with the pricks of my German heritage coming more fully into focus.

Berlin is a beautiful, historic city with magnificently detailed architecture and friendly people. The food was divine. What a delight it was to eat! A German bakery is a thing to behold, almost a holy experience. I'm sad I forgot to take a picture of all the delicacies! I now know why one of my dad's favorite places to take us on our Saturdays with him was the German bakery in SLC. Also, I think Brett got his fill of bockwurst for quite awhile. The hotel we stayed at was elegant, and even though our luggage told the people there that we were a bit out of our league, they were gracious anyway. We now know first hand why the word "ritzy" has its roots in the Ritz-Carlton Hotel.

My trip to Castrop-Rauxel and Herne was emotional and quick, but so worth the six hours on the train. My cousin Gudrun was such a wonderful hostess and helped me walk the streets where my dad grew up. She took me to the house where he was born. She indulged all my picture taking and even helped me recreate a photo from my dad's childhood where he is standing underneath the window of his apartment building. I met my Uncle Walter for the first time and enjoyed visiting with him, Aunt Trude, and my cousin Gerd even though my German is terrible and they speak little or no English. Uncle Walter proudly showed me a wall of old black and white photos that included ones of him working in the local mine, riding a motorcycle, and posing for the camera in his best outfit. With a big smile he stood proudly at his gate when it was time for me to leave. He posed for a picture and then waved good-bye to me until we were out of sight - just like my dad always did. It touched me deeply and I couldn't explain my tears to Gudrun. As night came and I found myself riding the train back to Berlin, it finally sunk in, what my dad had done when he immigrated to Canada from Germany at the age of 18. He changed the course of not only his life forever, but mine too.

The old and new history that Brett and I were able to visit was overwhelming. We walked the bricks in the road that still preserve the line where the Berlin Wall once stood. We even bought a piece of it to bring home with us. We marveled at the people getting their photos taken at Checkpoint Charlie, remembering how many people were trapped in East Berlin, some dying for freedom. We walked the square at the Brandenburg Gate where Hitler watched his glorious troops march in parade around the Victory Column where the Gilded Goddess of Victory (Golden Else) stands vigil, and also where President Obama spoke as "a citizen of the world" last July. We walked through cement blocks in the Monument to the Murdered European Jews that splays out on the block across the street from the new American Embassy. We traveled to Potsdam and saw the beautiful palaces of the Prussian King Frederick the Great. Then, as icing on the cake, we visited the Freiberg Temple in what was once East Germany and walked into that beautiful, miraculous building that was built BEFORE Mr. Gorbachev tore down that wall.

As a teenager I remember being almost embarrassed that my dad had a German accent, that I had a German last name, and that my family was not the imagined typical American family. Of course, I was young and so unaware of what my German heritage meant and what it embodied. My pilgrimage to Germany brought new depth and understanding to what my father endowed me with. I hope somehow he forgives me now for not realizing, not knowing what it cost him to give me his name, because now I know even more how much my dad loves me.

The Brandenburg Gate

Schmeckt Gut!

The Victory Column with "Golden Else"
Here is a shot of me inside the maze of concrete blocks making up the Monument to the Murdered European Jews - odd name, huh.

My cousin Gudrun served me a delicious lunch of what she called "Oven Soup" that was made with chicken, cream, vegetables, peaches, and other things she didn't know the English words for.

My Uncle Walter, Aunt Trude, and cousin Gerd

My Uncle Walter proudly showing me some of his history wall

Auf Wiedersehen Onkel Walter!

Here I stand in front of the house where my dad was born - Herne, Germany

Here Brett is standing in front of a piece of the Berlin Wall - this is a monument across the street from our hotel.

Here Brett is standing on the brick line that runs through the street, marking the place where the Berlin Wall once stood.

I spent a lot of time waiting for trains. I had never ridden on a train before this trip. Potsdamer Platz is the area of Berlin where we stayed.

This is the Prussian King Frederick the Great's summer palace called Sanssouci in Potsdam. The name is French for "without cares." Oh how I wish Brett's conference had been during the summer months! The snow was terrible for sightseeing, but brought all my stereotypical dreams of Germany to life. On the train I felt like I was in a scene from Dr. Zhivago - yes, it was that cold.

Here is one of the happy accidents from the trip. At Potsdam, as we were making our way around the large parks by the palaces, we walked into the Church of Peace and found a replica of the Christus in its inner courtyard. The original one is in Copenhagen, but this one was included in the construction of the church in the mid 19th century. It was beautiful.

All over the Potsdam buildings we saw winged cherubs - fat naked babies with wings. I guess they were very popular with the Rocco style. All we could think about though when we saw them was our chubby baby grandson Kimball - but he is waaaaaay cuter!

Our last full day in Germany was spent in the Freiberg temple. Freiberg is a small town nestled in the mountains near Dresden in what used to be East Germany. Our experience in the temple was remarkable and so humbling to be among German saints - who didn't speak English, by the way. It was very interesting trying to rent temple clothes using sign language and my VERY terrible German. We met the temple president and his wife. President Monson called him to be the first stake president there in Freiberg 25 years ago, then he became the first mission president, and now he is the temple president.

Can you see the fatigue setting in on Brett's face? Six hours on a train or waiting for one will do that.

Here is one last shot from the day we left Berlin. This is the only standing part of the wall and it is near the Check Point Charlie guard house. It is quite ironic that there is a wall around the old Berlin Wall protecting it from souvenir hunters.

So there you have a short synopsis of our adventures in Germany. I wish you all a similar trip at least once in your life. What a blessing!

Wedding Bells!

Congratulations goes out to my brother Randy and his new bride Jane! They were married yesterday in New Mexico. I wish them all the wonderful blessings a marriage will bring.

I was lucky enough to meet Janie in Utah at my dad's funeral in December, so I got a glimpse of her sweet personality and devotion to my brother. Brett and I look forward to getting to know her better. Our Abbey really wants to meet Janie and get to know her as well. She and Uncle Randy have this special connection. In her prayers most nights she prays for Uncle Randy and forgets the rest of us. When I told Abbey about Uncle Randy's new girlfriend and the possibility they might get married, she had a look of concern on her face. After I showed her this picture I took of Randy and Janie at the funeral though, she looked relieved as she said, "Oh, she looks nice." So Janie, you passed the Abbey test so far. Keep up the good work!

If you want to read all about Randy and Janie's romance you can help them win a trip to Hawaii and New York on Classmates.com. Just go to the Classmates.com web page, click on love stories after you register, and vote for Randy Drawe. You can also go to the Regis and Kelly website and vote for them there (two different voting situations). There might be some annoying free registrations that you have to go through, but it is worth the hassle to read this love story.

I think this renaissance in my brother's life is a good thing, and I, along with Abbey, pray for him and for Janie that their lives together will be blessed with peace, joy, and strength. We love you guys!

Afternoon Tea at the Park

We spent the afternoon at the park. ASD had no school today, so Abbey, Felicity, and I packed up a picnic "tea", as Felicity called it (because it was after 3 PM), and we met Brett and Jesse at Doha's most spectacular park. The frizbee came along too, so Brett ended up with a sore back from all the showing off. Abbey and Felicity had a roll down the hill, we had cucumber sandwiches - yes, being British, Felicity couldn't help herself, and we took some interesting photos (some I shouldn't have taken, right Fliss?). Here are a few shots of our day. By the way, the tower in the background is called Aspire, and it was built for the Asian Games in 2007.

Check out Felicity's Prada sunglasses she got for her birthday. She is a real Qatari now.

Yeah For Abbey!

I just want to give a shout out to our Abigail. She received this STAR STUDENT award at school last week. It is for excellent work in writing, reading, math, and citizenship. She pretty much ROCKS! Thanks for working so hard Abbey!

The Us in Our Marriage

Along with the stress and grief of losing two fathers this last month, Brett and I have been apart more than we have been together. It is really getting tiresome, this alone thing. Yes, I have Abbey to keep me going right now, and Brett has the funeral, his family, and our other kids, but there is nothing more peaceful, more centering than the "us" we have become. So as a result, I have been way off center these past weeks.

It isn't like we have never been apart. There have been quite a few times in our marriage when miles have separated us. For instance, when Brett joined the Air Force back in the 80s he was in training in Texas then in Mississippi. We were apart for probably ten weeks. Then there have been times when he had to help with Scout camp, Pioneer Trek, or I was a leader at Girls' Camp. Brett has never had a job that has taken him out of town much, but there have been those few trips here and there. But this separation has been different.

Yesterday when Abbey was getting ready for school I could hear her in her bathroom doing a somewhat toned-down happy dance. I said, "It looks like we have a happy girl here today." She said she was sort of happy. When I asked her what that meant she said, "Well, two of my grandpas have died and my mom and dad keep leaving . . . . . " I could tell that she was feeling a little guilty for feeling some joy sneak into our tragedy. I quickly told her that it was okay to feel happy, in fact it is very important for little girls to be happy. After I said that, her happy dance picked up the pace and exploded out like sunshine.

Well, my happy dance is half way around the world, and I kind of feel like having a large temper tantrum until he gets back. Brett is the person in our marriage who gives us permission to take a nap on a busy day. He is the one who will start the compliment-giving contests, or the thumb wars when we are waiting somewhere. Brett is the one who asks me what my happy and sad are for the day. He breathes hope and peace into my chaotic day so often I can't even begin to remember all the times of resuscitation. I love you Brett. I am counting the days until Sunday. I hope Doha International Airport is ready for a wild happy dance!

Grandpa Kearney

Brett's dad, who just turned 90 on January 5, is in his final days, if not hours, on this earth. What a life this man has lived. What a legacy he will be leaving behind. We sorrow with all of the Kearney family and wish it wasn't so, but last time we saw Dad Kearney (Kenneth J Kearney) he talked of his mother, the legendary Erma Lee Gordon Kearney Peck. He has been looking forward to seeing her again I'm sure. His father Michael Edward Kearney died when Dad Kearney was only two years old. As a young accountant he died after accidentally sticking himself with a lead pencil, leaving a widow and two sons. Antibiotics would have saved his life, but they didn't have the miraculous medicines of today. I'm sure Dad Kearney will be welcomed to heaven by his loving parents who have waited a long time to see their son again. He will also be welcomed by two of his children who have preceded him in death: Sommer and Danny.

The legacy that Dad Kearney leaves behind to continue on is a large one - twelve children who have looked to him as the family patriarch for a very long time. There will be a giant hole in our family with the passing of this man. As his daughter-in-law, who was very afraid of him long ago, I have seen a gruff man soften, or maybe I was the one who softened as I came to know him. Dad Kearney has been a devoted father who chauffeured children to school, dance lessons, nail appointments, and jobs. In fact he didn't stop driving until a few years ago. He has been a devoted husband. He is an adoptive father who accepted my Brett along with his sisters as his own. He has been a bishop, the family cook (his bread is legendary), an artist, a proud grandpa, and an energizer bunny these last ten years. We love you Grandpa Kearney, and we are grateful for all you have done to make our lives rich with your wisdom, love, and perspective.

*While I was downloading the pictures for this post, Kristy called and told us that Grandpa Kearney had just passed away peacefully with one last look at the loved ones in the room. Oh how I wish Brett could have been there. He loves his dad so much. This special dad is the one who took Brett, his two sisters, and mom to the Ogden Temple to be sealed as an eternal family. Oh how grateful we are for that blessing, especially now.

Grandsons

Okay, so I have to brag for this post. I hope you will indulge me just a little. It was so good to be with my grandsons for a few days right after Christmas. It was the reward I received for flying for 34 hours to get to Utah for my dad's funeral.

Thomas is the brightest three year old I've ever met - since his mom that is. The first day we were together, while Thomas was munching on his breakfast, I asked him what he wanted to do with me while he was in Utah. I thought he would tell me he wanted to play in the snow, read, go to the library (one of his favorite activities), or play cars. With a mouth full of Cheerios he simply said, "I want to have a conversation." So of course I obliged and we started talking about whatever was on his mind. I can't remember what it was, but I could tell that is truly what he wanted to do with me. A few days later he told someone else (maybe Ben or Mary?) that he wanted to have a "cold" conversation with them. So they proceeded to say cold words like brrrrr and snow, and freeeeeeezing, and frost. What a funny guy! We did get to play in the snow eventually, thanks to the Smiths who invited us all to their first annual Snowman Building Contest on New Year's Day. One morning when everyone in the house was fast asleep, Thomas paid me the ultimate compliment of yelling, "Grandma! Grandma! Grandma!" when he woke up instead of calling for his mom. It was one of the nicest wake-up calls I've ever gotten. If you get a chance to be around Thomas, make sure you ask him to tell you a joke. It is a great experience.

Then there is Kimball (Kimballicious). He is a baby full of joy and patience like no other baby I've met, at least not since his Uncle Ben. Feeding him breakfast was even fun. His big brown eyes are something new in our family - Jared brought in the beautiful brown eyes - and when Kimball looks at me, it seems like he is looking into my heart. He is just a baby, but there is a wisdom there that suggests an old soul. He is also a relaxed little guy and let me cuddle him and move his arms and legs all over the place. We had fun playing peek-a-boo and eating together. Kimball LOVES to eat and it shows in his delicious chub. He is already talking and says "Santa" really well, and when he saw Thomas riding with Mary's dad on the four-wheeler, Kimball was watching very closely and said, "WEEEEEEEEEE!"



Grandsons are so much fun. This summer I get to watch them for a week while Kristy and Jared go to Hawaii. I am already counting the days!

Thanks, Robert Frost

I am up in the middle of the night because my inner clock is all messed up from traveling half way around the world this week. So since I can't sleep, I thought I would blog. I have had a lot of time to think these past two weeks - traveling to Bountiful by myself for my dad's funeral. There have been many thoughts on overload. A certain poem keeps coming to my mind, maybe because of my dad's passing, or maybe just because I have been thinking of the frailty of life and the power of forgiveness. Please read "Thanks, Robert Frost" Every time I read it something inside breathes a sigh of relief. Someday I might have someone read it at my funeral, that is how much it means to me. After you have read it, I would like to hear what you think of it - its meaning, its significance to you. Maybe you will hate it. I want to hear that too. I just think this poem brings up some topics that are almost too difficult to put into language. What do you think?